Jedina sosa u Kuala Lumpuru

Belim muskarcima je u Maleziji život dao Azijatkinje, male, slatke, nasmejane, uradile bi sve za belo meso, poubijale i odrekle s cele familije ako treba, namincane, naštimovane, napucane i uvek spremne da kleknu i počnu. Ne kažem da su sve Azijatkinje lake ali statistički gledano procentaža teži u beskonačnost, kad bi to zakoni moderne statistike dozvoljavali. Neki ljudi su mi govorili da se ponekad stide svojih sunarodnica pošto bi prodale dušu đavolu samo da budu sa belcima.
S druge strane, Malezija nama, blim ženama nije dala ništa takvo. Jest, Malajci su mali, slatki baš i nisu, nasmejani ali šta ja da radim sa mojih 178cm sa jednim malim nasmejanim Malajcem. Govorim tiho i nosim Malajca sa sobom... right... S druge strane već sam pisala o tome kako su Azijati slabo obdareni i kako ustvari nemaju šta da pruže nama, belim ženama. Tako da, Azija, sama po sebi, nije baš pravljena po mojoj meri. Kod nas u Srbiji se kaže da muškarci koji voze velika kola samo žele da nadomeste to što im fali u gaćama. Verovatno je i ovde tako sa kolima, zgradama, ulicama, bulevarima... sve je veliko, a vajde nikakve :D. Tu i tamo se pojavi neki Arapin, Iranac kojem sam ja kao od Boga data i koji me gleda kao da sam sa neba sišla ali nešto mi nisu interesantni. Možda vam jednom prilikom ispričam priču kako me je grom strefio u sred LRT-ja i kako mi od onda svet nije isti... ali sve se to završilo na slomljenom srcu... kod mene valjda ni ne može drugačije da se završi.
Od kad je Jelena otišla nazad u Beograd shvatila sam da sam jedina devojka iz Srbije u Maleziji. Ima tu nekih Bosanki koje studiraju na Islamskom univerzitetu koji je na drugom kraju grada, Hrvatica možda, jedna Slovenka, ali kad lociramo Srbiju, ja sama, bar mislim da sam sama. No, nije to toliko bitno, i ovako sam većinu svog života provela sa muškarcima i  uvek su mi oni bili bolji prijatelji nego žene tako da mi i ne pada teško što baš i nemam sa kim da lajem na domaćem jeziku, mislim, žensko. 
Zvrcnem tu i tamo Miloša, malog Hadžiju, Danka, Borjana, sad i Dadu i čujem par rečenica domaćeg jezika i to mi je dovoljno. Izađem sa njima, provedem se, upoznam neke nove ljude, visim tu i tamo sa nekim lokalcima, italijanima, ali što se tiče ljubavnog života, u Aziji sam osakaćena. Možda bi trebalo da se preselim u Afriku ili na Blistok... tamo još uvek neki lepotani leče slomljena srca koja sam im ostavila :D S druge strane ja sam onaj tip žene kojoj treba visok kršan Balkanac i dolazim iz zemlje gde su svi lepi visoki i zgodni (moliću lepo da se Vlada kuvar, Jovan, Kika, Zloba, Benko i ostali pronađu u ovom tekstu) tako da, verovatno, Azija nema šanse kod mene... :D doduše, ni ja kod nje :D

17 minutes of pure happiness... or is it?

Since I was a little girl I always liked big stuff. I always wanted to sit on a big chair, always wanted people to call me big girl, to drive in a big car, to go to a big cities to eat a big hamburger and have big coke even if I couldn't finish it. There was always something mysterious about big people and they always had my admiration. I like to imagine that even Al Pacino is tall and big guy and when I found out that he is just a Shorty I was quite disappointed. Basketball players, volley players and of course, Water polo players were always my type of guys and when I was growing up they always has my heart on a plate. Approximately when I was 18 I went inside this mysterious world of habba-habba or what would my Indonesian friends said "yeah, all Bule like to fuck around right". In past 11 years I had all kind of discussions on the topic with friends and people I met on the way. Was never embarrassed to talk about sex and that topic was always infiltrating somehow in everyday's conversation. Was never embarrassed to go to pharmacy and buy condoms, to start talking to a guy that I liked, to mention some things from my private life just for compare or personal experience. I have always had more guys friends than girls and I always had some serious discussions with them about size, shape, techniques, poses and many other stuff. Sex is always favorite topic and people always talk about it no matter what, at least in my world, not in the world I'm living in right now. It is always about getting it to be better and better and in years you get to know your body and you know what feels good for you but of course when you meet someone, they usually don't know what you like and it takes some time to get to know each other. Lately, I had number of completely funny situations connected with sex partners and I always wanted to talk about it but never had a chance and I thought that someone will get offended but it is not really that I care right now.
Let's go back to the point where I saw the smallest thing in the world... well, it wasn't that long time ago since it is commonly known that Asians have 40% smaller penises that Europeans and I just moved to Asia. So, I did not want to date Asian guy, first thing, they are not really handsome, they are short, small, skinny and somewhere in my subconscious I knew that there is nothing for me beneath their small bellies. So I just enjoyed my life in Indonesia without having a guy in my life. I had few dates here and there, met few nice guys, dated a Brazilian guy which happened to be everything but Latino lover. Having sex with him was absolutely hilarious and even he had nice average piece, having sex with someone who is texting his friends during the intercourse was completely unacceptable and after that he couldn't realize why I never wanted to have sex with him again, there you are Brazilian sugar, sex with you sucked till the bottom end. Next time I saw penis I got such a huge headache that I had to go home and laugh my ass off. Yes, I'm being a little bit harsh but that was the smallest thing I saw and it would be waste of time taking my clothes off. That guy was really nice to me, took me out on few dates, we had fun and then we tried to have sex and he was quicker in the process of taking his clothes off so when I realized what I need to put up with I just told him that I don't feel so good and that I want to go home.... Finally this one Asian guy got me and we had sex couple of times and every time I asked myself WHY?!?! Last time we had sex, before we entered the room I look at my phone and I saw it was 10pm. When we left that room it was 10:17pm which gives us total value of 17 minutes. Oh yes, 17 minutes of hard sweating would be fabulous but... what happened during those 17 minutes. We entered the room, had a chat about photos on the wall, we started kissing, had quite of 3-4 min of kissing, we took our clothes off and before I even felt it was inside he was already shaking his whole body in sweet orgasm. I was looking at him and I couldn't believe... hello, I'm here too... after that we both take a quick shower and left the room at 10:17pm. Before that he told me that all of his girlfriends were completely satisfied with their sex life. After that I decided never to have sex with him again. He was pushy for a while, keep on calling me but at the end he gave up. I don't want to discuss the size, it would take such a small amount of time :D

He wasn't the first one who was bragging around about his sex life and how satisfied his girlfriends were. Usually those kind of guys are the worst one and they never make their girlfriends happy in bed. When you meet a guy who doesn't talk about his sex life, who has a mysterious smile and touch of an angel... that guy knows what is he doing and how to do it... 

And the thing about the size... well... yes, it does matter :)

Tax fuck up

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what will I be...

and for sure she told me I will not be tax officer or doing the stupid tax calculations. She told me that is the most fucked up job ever and when you calculate tax you have to do it in 4 decimals, if not, you can get to jail for tax screw ups. I asked her what decimals are and that was a beginning of the life of future mathematician, even my mother didn't want that to be a future option for her sweet little girl. Approximately 15 years later I was packing my bags and going to Novi Sad to take my entry exam for math faculty and she said... Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be... Oh no, my mother was never that singing type. She was always whistling some good old melodies like "Don't worry be happy" or "Mr. Taliman, tali mi banana" or just singing some beautiful songs from Vojvodina. Her voice was not made for her to be opera singer but for me, she was singing like an angel.

When I was arranging this job I told them that I was talking about brut salary and I really don't give much fuck about taxes that needs to be paid. Of course, like every employer they said "yes, yes, of course". When I got my contract the sentence about the taxes was completely twisted and of course I translated it the way I wanted and didn't ask about the real meaning of the sentence (my fault) and right now I'm probably going to get fucked up with no more no less than 26% of tax for foreigners for first 6 months. If I leave the company for 6 months than I have to pay the same tax all over again for 6 months and so on. Anyhow, I didn't quite understand Miss Joey with 4 Chinese last names (sounding like a small pot falling from the mountain) but I will see what she was talking about when I get my salary. Anyhow... not good for my savings account. I will have enough money for first 6 months to live and enjoy Malaysia but not sure I will save a lot of money, I will probably save enough to head home for vacation but that is all. After 6 months tax is only 2 or 3% which is fucking awesome but I need to wait until end of September for that. Someone told me that I can get tax refund after 6 months... anyhow 10 different people are telling me 10 different stories. Probably the best thing is to head to the website of tax office of Malaysia and read all about it... but I'm not sure if I will understand it. :)

Yeah... life is a bitch sometimes... and I still don't understand taxes and my mom was right telling me not to study that shit.

Well, what tha hell...

All bule fuck around right?

When I came to Indonesia I heard this word which was really funny for me and it is a word that Indonesians use for white people. The word "bule" in my language represents a Muslim girl which is completely covered up and here it is quite opposite. Right now we like to use this word when we joke around something since it is well known that all bule in Indonesia have good jobs, they are well paid, live in rich parts of the city, have loads of money which they are spending around and, lately, I realized that bule have this thing that they are fucking around with everybody. Not only once I was deeply offended by Indonesian people that I met here and there with stupid questions and stupid sentences that actually showed that, since I'm bule, that automatically means that I go around and fuck with everybody.
Apparently, Indonesians don't have sex before marriage, that is strictly forbidden by religion (both Muslim and Christian) and their beliefs and they like to put it out front. When I asked a girl aged 31 which is not married is she a virgin her face went dark red, she got completely confused, her eyes went out of her head and she replied "How can you ask me something like that?!?" When a guy, also aged 31 was telling someone I know about his first sexual experience he was also blushing, speaking with the lowest voice possible and told that person to swear not to tell anyone.
My university is completely Muslim and all the girls are walking around with scarves, looking at as like we fallen from the sky and being really nice girls... during the day... If I start telling the stories of bule I know about what are those girls doing during the night... Muhammediah University Surabaya would be banished from this world.
When a girl I know came to me to introduce me to a guy who liked me she told me after 30 seconds of my conversation with him "If you want to fuck him just go with him tonight to his place, he has a nice car, he can fuck for 2 hours and he is rich". Oh yes, all bule want rich guys and they fuck with someone the moment they see him. I looked at that girl and I wasn't sure what is she talking about.
Last Saturday we went to this Ice Club, really fancy and expensive place but luckily we didn't pay anything since Emily knew the manager. All of our friends left at 1 but we stayed and danced until club was closing. Just before club started closing I met this Indonesian guy who was really cute so I kissed him few times, told him that I don't want to go with him to his place and continue dancing. Then some bule guy came and started dancing with Sonia and it appeared that he is from Macedonia. I hugged him like he was my brother and almost started crying. So, we arranged to meet the day after and spend some time together since I will have a chance to talk in Serbian. Two of them are living in Sheraton apartments so we decided to use that fact to go for a swimming in Sheraton swimming pool. We had fun with the guys, we swam, had nice afternoon with them, hanged out in their apartment and had dinner in the evening and went home. When we told some of our friends about that, the girl, mentioned above, asked "So you went to sleep in Sheraton with them and then you went to swim" ?!??!? Lately Sonia and I are speaking the same things at the same time so we said "NO" like a choir. When I started talking about Indonesian guy that I kissed I got from a certain person "how can you kiss him if you don't know him?" Well, I don't need a guys CV to kiss him. I felt like kissing him. And then I got one of those fabulous questions "But why you didn't go with him to his place. Maybe he is good fucker" Oh yes, again, all bule fuck around all the time. It was weirder that I didn't go to bed with him than the fact that I kissed him which was also weird.
We also have loads of stupid SMS coming to our addresses and when someone tells that she has a boyfriend and she is not going around and cheats on him that doesn't means a lot to Indonesian. That sounds just the same like you are completely available, since you are bule, and bule are fucking around all the time, right? After you say no for couple of times they just continue offering things like "relationship without love" or sending you messages in the middle of the night telling how desperate they are because you don't want to meet them. If you tell them you want to be a friend and you want to meet as a friend they don't know what that means or they just don't want to know. When you tell them that you are engaged that might give a slightly bigger significance to Indonesian guys, but, anyhow, he is not here, right so they can continue stocking and harassing you. So, lately, we started telling people that we are married since that is the first thing they ask when they meet us and when they ask that we know that they like us. So, basically the only thing that can save you from Indonesians, who want to have sex with bule, since bule are always fucking around right, is to tell them that you are married... but sometimes that doesn't work either.
Oh yes, we had a case of a "friend" who got angry and he is not talking to us for months now since Sonia told him that she has a boyfriend and he thought that he is irresistible.
So, we came to conclusion that it is not polite to kiss around but it is ok to fuck around and bule fuck around all the time, right?
:D

P.S I met a plastic surgeon who does 5-10 hymen closing operation per day and girls from all around Indonesia are coming to him before they get married. One operation is 500-1500€. In Serbia one plastic surgeon is doing that kind of operation 5-10 times per year.
In Europe you can fuck around but at least Europeans are not hypocrite.